Writing Clear Sentences

The following sentences have been reprinted from past Nursing 4970 papers with permissions from the authors.

Select the text, print, and correct. Suggested revisions are below, but try to make them clearer before looking at revisions. 

Sentencing: A Basic Component of Skillful Writing

With a partner, try to revise the sentences below for more clarity and conciseness. It may be necessary to break some up into more than one sentence. On the other hand, avoid writing too many short, “choppy,” sentences.

1. What makes this program so successful at reducing child deaths, however, is the fact that it directs health care workers to assess for possible co-morbidities and categorize the patient’s needs in addition to addressing the chief complaint.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence. 


Revise this sentence for clarity and conciseness.


2. Signs or indicators of noncompliance in diabetic patients are helpful for healthcare providers with assessing their patients and provide clues on how to carry out further treatment to these patients.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence. 


Revise this sentence for clarity and conciseness.


3. These statistics require something to be done about this alarming occurrence of diabetes diagnosis at such young ages in the United States that is quickly becoming an epidemic.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence. 


Revise this sentence for clarity and conciseness.


4. The complexity of the method of documentation, as well as any special skills needed in order to perform this method of documentation has to go into the building of the system that the health care organization will use to organize their assessments (Kosel, Gelinas, Pason, 2006). 

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence. 


Revise this sentence for clarity and conciseness. 


5. Many times when a nurse is in a hurry or has a lack of time, documentation can be flawed, but with a system that will cause the participant to be restricted from carrying on without the accurate documentation will put a stop to defective information.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence.


Revise this sentence for clarity and conciseness. 


6. With documentation systems that will flag errors to the user or not allow common errors to occur will authorize only the correct information for other health care workers who later need to provide accurate aide to the children.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence. 


Revise this sentence for clarity and conciseness.

 


More Coherent Sentences/Possible Corrections

1. What makes this program so successful at reducing child deaths, however, is the fact that It directs health care workers to assess for possible co-morbidities and categorize the patient’s needs in addition to addressing the chief complaint.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence.

What=subject

is=verb

Revision

Besides being able to address patients’ chief complaints, this program is successful because it reduces child deaths by both assessing for co-morbidities and categorizing patients’ needs.

 

2. Signs or indicators of noncompliance in diabetic patients are helpful for healthcare providers with assessing their patients and provide clues on how to carry out further treatment to these patients.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence.

Signs and indicators = subject

are = verb 

Revision

Signs of noncompliance in diabetic patients indicate the need for health care providers to re-assess future treatment. 

 

3. These statistics require something to be done about this alarming occurrence of diabetes diagnosis at such young ages in the United States that is quickly becoming an epidemic.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence.

Statistics = subject

Require = verb 

Revision

These statistics demonstrate that something must be done about the soaring rate of young people being diagnosed with diabetes. 

 

4. The complexity of the method of documentation, as well as any special skills needed in order to perform this method of documentation has to go into the building of the system that the health care organization will use to organize their assessments (Kosel, Gelinas, Pason, 2006).

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence.

complexity and skills = subject

has = verb 

Revision

Proper documentation systems in health care organizations must be complex yet clear on the skills needed to utilize them. 

 

5. Many times when a nurse is in a hurry or has a lack of time, documentation can be flawed, but with a system that will cause the participant to be restricted from carrying on without the accurate documentation will put a stop to defective information.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence.

First clause: “documentation” = subject; “can be” = verb

Second clause (after “but”): “with” = subject (not possible grammatically); “will put” = verb

Revision

A good documentation system will restrict nurses who are in a hurry from entering flawed information. 

 

6. With documentation systems that flag errors to the user or not allow common errors to occur will authorize only the correct information for other health care workers who later need to provide accurate aide to the children.

Write out the subject and verb of this sentence.

“With” = subject (not possible grammatically)

“(will) authorize” = verb

Revision

Documentation systems must be able to flag errors and disallow common errors to be entered at all. Thus, only the correct information will be available for all health care workers as they rotate through shifts.